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If you could do it over again.....

Lucille

Lucille

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We all have momentous events large and small, throughout our lives, the good ones bring us happiness and we hopefully learn from the bad ones.

Is there any one particular event in your life, that you wish you could go back and change, and do differently?
 
There really is not any one big event in my life that I wish I could change, just lots of small ones. Things like being short or rude with people that really did not deserve it, just because I was having a bad day and my patience was not what it usually is. Every time something like that happens I dwell on it for days afterwards. Ashamed of myself. Those are the things that I wish I could change or do differently.

I know this is not in the spirit of this thread, but the one thing in my life that I wish was different was my dad dying when I was 12. He was my best friend. We did everything together. My biggest wish in the world would have been to know him as an adult and for him and his granddaughter to have known each other. They would have really loved and appreciated each other. That's the one thing I would of liked to have had different in my life. Seeing my dad and daughter together. That would have been the greatest thing in the world.
 
When I wrote the post, I was thinking back about my grandparents. They were wonderful, caring people and loved each other very much. My Grandpa came to the United States and built his own house, himself, I was always impressed by that. My Grandma kept house, made cookies, and was the picture of gentleness and love. They were fine, fine people.

My Grandpa had lost my Grandma about six months earlier and I was going to college. He asked me to drop everything and come live with him.
At the time, I thought education was very important (and I still do). But in retrospect, there are somethings more important still, and I should have gone.
It is later wisdom that brought me to that conclusion, I could not have made a different decision then, as I would have if it were now.

He died a few years later and I miss them both very much. I think the thought process was brought on by the fact that one of my finals is tomorrow, and I was reflecting on education, and on life in general.
 
I think those of us who have lost our parents all have moments when we wished they were here.

My mother died way too young and also missed out on her grandchildren whom she would no doubt have showered with love and of whom she would no doubt have been extremely proud. I miss each of my parents every day of my life.

As for regrets, well lets just say I have regretted some actions and choices, but holding onto regrets and grudges is just so much emotional poison. I deal with them and try my best to move on.
 
I can think of a lot of things that I perhaps would wish had happened differently, but then I think if I hadn't made some of the wrong choices I made....maybe I wouldn't have learned some of the hard lessons I did, and wouldn't be quite the same person I am today....if that makes any sense, lol.

The one and only thing I KNOW I would change is the day my Dad passed away....he had been in the nursing home for quite awhile, over a year, after having a series of strokes, but was doing very well. I had planned on making the drive and visiting him that day.....I usually went every other day at least....but it was one of those days, ya know.....bad day at work, kids were little crabby monsters.....and I said oh heck, I'll wait and go tomorrow.

He passed away during the night.

It has taken me years to come to terms with the fact I didn't go that day, and some days, I still don't think I have, or ever will. I know he would have understood why I didn't come that day, but that guilt will always be there.
 
There's a million (well, maybe not quite that many) things that I would do differently if I could go back and change things. But I can't. What's done is done, and all I can do is deal with it, learn from it, and put it behind me the best I can.

I guess if I were to pick one particular thing that I would like to change, it would be what I said to my father 5 hours before he died of an unexpected heart attack. My parents were in the middle of a hideous divorce after 24 years of marriage. I was upset with my dad for the way he was handling things, especially how he was punishing my mom and using my youngest brother. I was at odds with my dad for about two years before he died. The day he did, we were at a custody hearing. I had drove my mom ('cuz she was a wreck) and my little brothers there. I met up with my dad in the lobby before the actual meeting, and he asked me how school was going. That was the first time he had asked anything about me in 4-5 months. He didn't know what was going on in his kids lives, and here he was contesting custody. I was blinded by vengeance and spite, and I told him that I had dropped all of my classes three months ago. It was true, but I said it in a way to punish him. I remember giving him a dirty look and asking, "Dad, what the **** are we doing here if you have no idea what any of your kids are doing?" I turned my back to him and walked away. Those were the last words I ever said to him.

I found out later that he was suffering from early onset Alzheimer's at the age of 49. His arteries were severely clogged and blood was not getting to his brain. He wasn't acting like his usual self, and that's why. It wasn't his fault for the way he was behaving. It is however, my fault for doing and saying what I did that day. There's nothing I can do now though, but live with the guilt and treat each person as if it's the last time I might ever see them.
 
Cat_72 said:
I can think of a lot of things that I perhaps would wish had happened differently, but then I think if I hadn't made some of the wrong choices I made....maybe I wouldn't have learned some of the hard lessons I did, and wouldn't be quite the same person I am today....if that makes any sense, lol.
Click to expand...

Cathy, you took the thoughts right out of my head!

You know your Dad would understand and you shouldn't feel guilty. I hope you know he's always with you. As long as you remember him, he's never truly gone.
 
There are several things I would change in my life.... (caveat at the end of the post however)...

When I was a young teenager, I made a choice that led me to a run-in with some REALLY bad guys. They went to prison, and I pigged out and gained a lot of weight and have struggled with weight my whole life. If I could, I would change that if only so that I would be a healthier adult.

When I was in high school (as a result of the previous incident) I lost interest and didn't apply myself. This resulted in my dropping out and spending nearly 10 years before I graduated from college and figured out what I really wanted to do with my life.

When I was in Junior College (back before the internet) there was a company that was creating an icon driven interface for "going online" to the online bulletin boards. I interacted quite a lot with the company that was marketing this program and when they were in town we had a meeting. I wanted quite desperately to promote myself as the PR person they needed to get their company the exposure they needed. The guy in charge was VERY attractive, DYNAMIC, and BRILLIANT... when I met with him I was *THIS* close to jumping in and suggesting that I go to work for them. BUT... they were in Toronto ... a foreign country... and I didn't have quite the confidence to do it. For all I know (and most likely actually) they would have turned me down and that would have been the end of that... BUT, I always wondered what it would have been like had I made that offer. Having never made it, I could never know what would have happened. For the LONGEST time this has been one of those "pivotal" moments ... or at least an imagined one... that has plagued me from time to time.

Having ended up as a high school teacher, I sometimes wish I had taken the right courses in college to become a high school teacher so that I could have avoided all those education courses I needed to take to get certified.

BUT... in spite of the things I mention above, I wouldn't REALLY change those things. I like my life, and while it isn't perfect, I'm so darn blessed in all that I have that I would NOT trade what I have now for the opportunity to change anything in my earlier years.

My blessings include:
A loving husband
3 loving kids
a house, swimming pool, hot tub (being installed next week!)
a rewarding job that gives me fulfillment
a hobby that supports itself
a body that while overweight is generally quite healthy

What more can a person ask for?
 
TY Maggie....words I try to remind myself every day, but it always helps to hear them from someone else! :)
 
I have a few huge events that I wish that I could go back and change and so many countless thousand small things that I wish never occurred and I am only seventeen. The thing that matters now though is that I do realize that I can't go back and change them and that I am going to keep this never ending proccess of bettering myself so over the years I'll have fewer and fewer things to regret. I'll never be perfect, but the goal is to strive to be as close as possible. I have changed my ways and though I am still the same in some peoples eyes, I can see that I've changed and I am noticing a lot of difference in my life. I am happy thanks to my "Higher Power."
 
There is only one thing I would change, but it would possibly change everything in my life.

When I was 21 I made a choice that changed the course of my life and left someone I deeply loved behind. I believe I could have made a better choice, one that would have included this person. At the time I didn't believe that I had the right to affect someone elses life with my own wants and needs, and the change I made was with his blessing as he thought my life would be better without his influence.

After some time had passed he met someone he decided to marry and called me. He wanted me to meet her and give him my opinion. I believed his happiness was more important than mine and that they were really in love, so I didn't tell him the truth. I told him she seemed sweet and that I hoped they would be happy together. What I really wanted to do was to scream at him that he had FORGOTTEN that was supposed to marry me when I got out of college and that I really loved him and she didn't. I left that bar drunk off my ass and went and confessed to a friend how I really felt. Never once did I tell the person I should have told.

Here it is 18 years later and I still wonder what would have happened if I had been honest about what I thought and felt. I waited for three years after he married her to see if they would stay together before I got involved in another relationship, After she had his baby they decided to stick it out. He always told me that when he married it would be for life....I just wish it would have been for MY life :)

Of course, he still doesn't have a clue. I miss him, especially the friendship we shared. I will always consider him to be my friend and will always be there if he needs me. I just hope he never does. So far he has only called me once and that was when he found out she was cheating on him. He called, I was there for him, then I left again. I still want him to be happy in the life he chose and I do not interfere.

Stupid romantic story. I don't do romance anymore....it costs too much.
 
Well I have thought about this for a little over a week now and can honestly say there is nothing I would change at all. If I did change even one small rudeness to a person or one tremendous mistake on my part it could change who and what I am.

Now I am not proud of more than alot of things and I feel like more than most of the things in my life big and small were complete mistakes.

I do truly wish that my actions could have happened without harming others in any way, emotional or otherwise and realize that is very unlikely.

I like who I am good and bad, I love my family, good and bad, I need every little thing, good and bad that I went through to make me who and what I am and I hope that any pain I caused others helped them in some way and was not useless pain. That is what gets me through the day, that one hope, that every bit of pain I have caused was somehow, someway transformed into good by the person/people I have hurt while I was on my way to being me.


On a side note: Shelly I feel for you and know some of the pain you feel, but I fessed up with my true love and we are very good friends to this day, I cannot imagine holding that amount of emotion inside for that amount of time, we even joke form time to time about "who knows what will happen, maybe when we are 80".
 
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