Ole and Sven are neighbors in Wisconsin.
Ole' is in need of a new milk cow. He hears about a nice one for sale over the border in Minnesota. He drives over to Minnesota, looks at the cow, and reaches under to see if she gives milk. When he grabs the teat and pulls, the cow farts.
Ole' is very surprised, looks at the farmer who is selling the cow, and reaches under the cow to try again. He grabs another teat, pulls, and the cow farts again. Milk does come out, however, so after some discussion, Ole' decides to buy the cow anyway and take it home.
He calls over his neighbor, Sven, and says, "Come here and look at dis new cow I just bought. Pull her teat, and see what happens."
Sven reaches under and pulls; the cow farts. Sven looks at Ole' and says, "You bought this cow in Minnesota, yah?"
Ole' is very surprised and says, "Yah, dat's right, how did you know?"
Sven says, "My wife is from Minnesota."
____________________________________________________
Life in LA
A guy was sitting in an airplane when another guy took the seat beside him.
The new guy was a wreck, pale, hands shaking, biting his nails and moaning in
fear.
"Hey, pal, what's the matter?" said the first guy.
"I've been transferred to Los Angeles, California," he answered nervously.
"They've got race riots, drugs, the highest crime rate in the country..."
"Hold on," said the first. "I've been in L.A all my life and it's not bad as
the media says. Find a nice home, go to work, mind your own business, enroll
your kids in a good school and it's as safe as anywhere in the world."
The second guy stopped shaking for a moment and said, "Oh, thank God. I was
worried to death! But if you live there and say it's ok, I'll take your word
for it. By the way, what do you do for a living?"
"Me?" said the first, "I'm a tail gunner on a bread truck."
____________________________________________________
Don't mess with this lady
A ticket agent was stationed at the airport departure gate to check
tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the
ticket, and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without
missing a beat she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket, not
your stub."
____________________________________________________
Let's go for stupid
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery
store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She
asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock
boy replied, "No, ma'am, they're dead."
____________________________________________________
Caught for speeding
The cop got out of his car and the kid that was stopped for
speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all
day," the cop said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as
fast as I could, sir." When the cop finally stopped laughing,
he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
____________________________________________________
Stuck under a bridge
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes
up that reads "low bridge ahead." Before he knows it the bridge
is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars
are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The
cop gets out of his car and walks around to the truck driver,
puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck,huh?" The truck
driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of
gas."
____________________________________________________
Too Late
The man was in no shape to drive, so he wisely left his car
parked and walked home. As he was walking unsteadily along, he
was stopped by a policeman. "What are you doing out here at
2:00 A.M.?" asked the officer. "I'm going to a lecture." The
man said. "And who is going to give a lecture at this hour?"
the cop asked. "My wife," said the man.
Enjoy,
Ian
Ole' is in need of a new milk cow. He hears about a nice one for sale over the border in Minnesota. He drives over to Minnesota, looks at the cow, and reaches under to see if she gives milk. When he grabs the teat and pulls, the cow farts.
Ole' is very surprised, looks at the farmer who is selling the cow, and reaches under the cow to try again. He grabs another teat, pulls, and the cow farts again. Milk does come out, however, so after some discussion, Ole' decides to buy the cow anyway and take it home.
He calls over his neighbor, Sven, and says, "Come here and look at dis new cow I just bought. Pull her teat, and see what happens."
Sven reaches under and pulls; the cow farts. Sven looks at Ole' and says, "You bought this cow in Minnesota, yah?"
Ole' is very surprised and says, "Yah, dat's right, how did you know?"
Sven says, "My wife is from Minnesota."
____________________________________________________
Life in LA
A guy was sitting in an airplane when another guy took the seat beside him.
The new guy was a wreck, pale, hands shaking, biting his nails and moaning in
fear.
"Hey, pal, what's the matter?" said the first guy.
"I've been transferred to Los Angeles, California," he answered nervously.
"They've got race riots, drugs, the highest crime rate in the country..."
"Hold on," said the first. "I've been in L.A all my life and it's not bad as
the media says. Find a nice home, go to work, mind your own business, enroll
your kids in a good school and it's as safe as anywhere in the world."
The second guy stopped shaking for a moment and said, "Oh, thank God. I was
worried to death! But if you live there and say it's ok, I'll take your word
for it. By the way, what do you do for a living?"
"Me?" said the first, "I'm a tail gunner on a bread truck."
____________________________________________________
Don't mess with this lady
A ticket agent was stationed at the airport departure gate to check
tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the
ticket, and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without
missing a beat she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket, not
your stub."
____________________________________________________
Let's go for stupid
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery
store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She
asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock
boy replied, "No, ma'am, they're dead."
____________________________________________________
Caught for speeding
The cop got out of his car and the kid that was stopped for
speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all
day," the cop said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as
fast as I could, sir." When the cop finally stopped laughing,
he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
____________________________________________________
Stuck under a bridge
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes
up that reads "low bridge ahead." Before he knows it the bridge
is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars
are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The
cop gets out of his car and walks around to the truck driver,
puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck,huh?" The truck
driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of
gas."
____________________________________________________
Too Late
The man was in no shape to drive, so he wisely left his car
parked and walked home. As he was walking unsteadily along, he
was stopped by a policeman. "What are you doing out here at
2:00 A.M.?" asked the officer. "I'm going to a lecture." The
man said. "And who is going to give a lecture at this hour?"
the cop asked. "My wife," said the man.
Enjoy,
Ian