With everything going on, in a micro and macro level, I reached a telling epiphany today. I have come to appreciate bitter old men. I understand what made them that way. I understand that life can just gang up on you leaving you no recourse but to just hate every waking moment. To not give a damn about whether you wake up in the morning or not. And when you do wake up, you struggle to find any reason to get out of bed. When someone says "good morning" to you, your immediate thought is "what is so good about it?"
You think about doing something. Anything. But why bother? What is the point? You look to the future and can see that there is nothing inviting about it. The past is where I want to live. But I know that path does not exist.
So what is the problem? I am fairly financially secure. I live in a little paradise in north Florida. I have surrounded myself with toys to play with. I actually found a wonderful woman in Thailand that is an absolute gem. Why isn't that enough?
Just a really bad day? Well, it is a Saturday. The 11th of the month. Connie died on a Saturday. The 11th of November. Damn subconscious is a real bitch sometimes.
You think about doing something. Anything. But why bother? What is the point? You look to the future and can see that there is nothing inviting about it. The past is where I want to live. But I know that path does not exist.
So what is the problem? I am fairly financially secure. I live in a little paradise in north Florida. I have surrounded myself with toys to play with. I actually found a wonderful woman in Thailand that is an absolute gem. Why isn't that enough?
Just a really bad day? Well, it is a Saturday. The 11th of the month. Connie died on a Saturday. The 11th of November. Damn subconscious is a real bitch sometimes.