This ones for all the men to reply to.

[Leighanne]

I am having some problems and need some advice from a man who is or used to be A.defensive and can never do wrong, and B. rebellious to the point your hurting yourself and the effects dribble down to others. Both A and B are my Fiancee, and in the long run he'll break my heart but hes the one living with all of his flaws until the end.

So my question is how do you get a man like this to listen to you?? To see his wrongs? Threatening to break up doesn't work, balling doesn't anymore, and separation isn't an option with our finances. Breaking up would be final. I am SO mad right now!! If I wanted kids and I wanted to do it all by myself I would of opted to be a single Mother.

All of a sudden last night and today its all his money and he doesn't have to pay for what he doesn't want to. In a relationship our views are both right. Its your money but its "our" money at the same time. You don't let your other go without money do you? An you pay your bills for being able to be with eachother. He wants stupid freakin Tarantulas with Income Tax and I want A. Most importantly a car. B. All my other babies token care of FIRST! C. A FEW things for us and our house so that we may live here comfortably, the operative word being comfortable! An then D. Paying a few bills. This should all come first in my opinion.

Hes also having 1 or 2 of these Geckos were taking in. I mean I'm not buying any Snakes I desperately want. I'm sick and tired of it! E. He was of course an only child. I mean I always get flamed on here but people seem to forget I'm not the only Herper in the house and you can't force anything on anybody. HE bought Gex, both Spiders, the Scorpion, and Piccolo! HE wanted Piccolo and never looked up a care sheet first and I told him no. HE wanted to feed Piccolo to the Chilean and when I had to syringe feed he whined and complained and didn't want to help and as I sat there crying when Piccolo was in the Chileans tank for a split second before I felt through my own personal Exotic morals cheered his Spider on all the while me crying.

Don't get me wrong he is a good guy, I've seen a lot worse but he refuses to hear me out or change anything, he refuses a lot and I just can't live like this! I'm not talking about him changing him or his personality just changing some routine things. Things that will better us. So anyways I really need to know how to get a man like this to listen and take into consideration.

 

[Wilomn]

Girl, get rid of the boy and find a man.

That or you get to be mommy.

Seriously, he's, if all is as you say, not ready for an adult relationship.

 

[shrap]

You cant change him. Change only comes from within. And it all starts with being brutally honest with yourself. Until a person is ready to do that, change is impossible.

 

[Leighanne]

Somebody, any Moderator PLEASE delete this post!!! I'm embarrassed now. I sincerely wanted the advice, I just shouldn't of posted that much info. I'm calm now. I don't mind any of my babies at all and love having them. I just wish he would put the T's on hold or make them the last thing to get. The two Geckos were getting I told the guy I couldn't rehome or take them in without their setups which is true because I have no spare heating parts let alone nine. As I said its not about changing its about listening and compromising and for the love of the all Mighty can a girl get a few sincere Thanks once in awhile!! I'm just frustrated. I don't think finding a "Man" would help the older guy younger girl scenario is most of the time fruitless and gross. I guess girls just really do mature many years faster then men?

 

[Wilomn]

Age has little to do with being a man.

You asked for advice, you got it.

I would recommend you think a lot more before letting your fingers express themselves. This seems to be a habit of yours.

You too are very young which isn't a fault but you just don't have that much experiance with life like some of us do.

I was sincere. If this is his attitude for true, you'd be better off without him.

I'm out of this one but I was sincere.

 

[Leighanne]

Nah Wilomon I see what you meant, and whats sad is he is the most laid back, mature, hard working kind of guy I have ever meet. He just has problems sometimes seeing my versoin, talking in general (hes quit) , looking in the mirror at himself and what hes doing. I can break ALL kinds of relationship factors down, boys versus girls, but I just don't see why he does what he does. Freakin men! Do you guys think me dissolving some Estrogen pills in his drinks would work?

 

[varnyard]

I will tell you this, anything that gets on your last nerve now will get 100x worse after you tie the knot.

These guys have answered the questions you have 100% right the way I see it too.

 

[Leighanne]

Oh, we are not getting married for a LONG time.

 

[Casey Hulse]

Personally, I think you should move back home with mom till he gets his act together. Then you need to sit down with a counselor/adult (who you both know and respect)and talk things out in a mature fashion.
I do not think posting your personal affairs on the Internet would be in your best interest in the long run. Good luck.

 

[Leighanne]

I agree.

 

[Leighanne]

Well I agree with the third part. Wilomons right I speak then think. My other personal affair is my eye got scratched somehow three days ago and it hurts! I kinda look like I'm on drugs. lol Also a counselor won't help to those who never do wrong and don't listen, and no way in all of flaming underworld would I ever live with the wreck that is my Mother. Bury me first. I aplogize if I made it sound more serious then it is, I was mad. I am still quit ticked about Piccolo so I shouldn't of even brought it up.

 

[garweft]

Well since I'm like that I'll ask my wife....

She laughed and said she still hasn't figured it out yet.

Truth is, like me, he'll never change. There are worse men out there so look at it like a package deal, you get the good with the bad. Nobody is perfect, and it is better to find someone who is a good friend, and that you can put up with (both the good and the bad).

Were getting our taxes back any day now and I have been eying up a few things myself. Maybe I'll ask her opinion first...maybe.

 

[techgirl]

Now talking as a woman who was in this situation once. Don't make excuses!! He will and always will think of himself first, what he wants second, how he gets it third. You? Maybe when you say something that interrupts his process of thinking. Finances won't allow you to break up? No one is worth staying with because of money. There are friend's couches to sleep on, charity organizations to help you, ways to tighten your belt until you can get back on your feet. You say it will be a long time to marry. Don't. I may be biased in what I say because of what I went through. But I took the hard route and came close to being homeless(which can happen when you have a job). I now am with the man I wish to be with. I have an incredible daughter that I thank God everyday for. I have my critters that are taken care and want for nothing. You need to honestly sit down by yourself and think about how you want your life to be. Where would you like to be? Are you capable of doing it at the stage you are now? If not, why? I am sorry if I chastise you for this but it irks me to hear this when the answer is clear but excuses still come up. Even if he doesn't go for counseling, how about you? Talk to someone, counselor, pastor, etc. You're young, but time will fly by. Think about it.

 

[hhmoore]

the older guy younger girl scenario is most of the time fruitless and gross.

ouch, lol

 

[Dragondad]

ouch, lol

Some just know how to kick us.....

Leighanne, you will never change him. Anybody can change but they have to put their mind to the concept. This is like being an addict, you have to acknowledge the problem before you can correct the issue. Dealing with the symptoms doesn't cure the issue and the potential for it to always surface will be there. He needs to realize, and I mean really realize, what he is doing and make up his mind to the idea he is wrong. You can threaten and scream and cry but none of that matters until you can actually put the threat to action.

 

[Mooing Tricycle]

Personally, if the taxes are BOTH of yours ( meaning youre now filing jointly, which i dont believe happens until youre married anyway? could be wrong as im not married, nor do i have a fiancee) anyway, if theyre BOTH of yours then you both must SPLIT it.
Im sorry, but that whole, He pays for everything and she makes bare minimum dosnt work in this society anymore.

My boyfriend and i Split everything. Right down the middle. ( cost wise lol ) when we get 120 worth of groceries, we both pay 60 bucks. Same with bills and rent. that way, no one person is responsible for every darn thing. Its something we BOTH work at.

On the other hand, if youre filing your taxes seperately, Thats your OWN money. and its the same for him. Im getting tax returns this year, and my other half, isnt. That dosnt mean he lays claim to the money i get. not at all. Thats MY money, that i worked for, and ill darn well spend it on whatever i want! The same would go for him. Unfortunately for spending that cash, im going to be getting myself a car which is AWESOME, and my grand parents will be co signing a loan for me ( after YEARS of begging somone to...) so ive decided thats where that money is going to go...

You cannot expect him to help you get a car. But. you CAN expect him to help teach you how to drive. a man can only do so much. the rest has to fall on you, and youre willingness to help yourself. the same goes for him, if hes unwilling to help himself, and learn, then you might have to start rethinking things.

Im not asking mine to pay anything for this car im getting, its something that i have to do, for myself. Sure, well probably share eachothers cars and whatnot and help if the other needs help cash wise, but whats his is his, and he wont expect me to pay for it and vice versa.

if you want the boy to listen to you, you need to be able to talk to him about it. Sit him down, on the bed, or couch, and dont BLAME him. Dont point fingers. talk about how YOU feel, and what you think you both should do about it. Blaming a guy instantly puts him on the defense, and hell block out what youre going to say, even without actually hearing it. TRUST me. Ive got a Leo on my hands. ( im one too.. mind you)

Anyway, as for YOUR animals, thats your responsibility. Not his. My animals, are mine. i dont ever ask gordon to pay for rats/supplies for them unless i can pay him back. i never expect him to get that stuff either. Ill ask him to get me stuff if hes at the pet store THAT minute, but if he dosnt have the cash at that moment in time when hes getting a rat for his snake Kamaji, well im tough out of luck, and will have to go back on my own.

now. if this guy is just getting animals left and right and YOU'RE caring for them ( have to meaning..) then you have the right to say "No More!" and if he dosnt listen, then ditch him.
My Boy still has a say on what animals i get because we do Live together, this is our place and we both have to live here. if he ever ended up having to care for my animals, he would have every right to say. Get rid of them. when i get new critters, i ask, always.
At the same time, he understands that my animals are my thing, and so long as i dont go overboard with it, im allowed to get whatever. He has his computers lying about the place too, so its a win win situation for the both of us. Everything in a relationship has to deal with compromise, you have to be willing to work together AND separately on things but most of all, you need to be able to understand the other person and their feelings, and they the same for you.

ive been with my boy for three years, and weve certainly had our ups and downs at times, but its ALWAYS a work in progress.

Sorry that was kinda long...

 

[Leighanne]

Webslave PLEASE delete this thread!?

 

[jsrocket]

Kristin, I have a daughter your age. While I would not go the relationship issues here, as that is a more complex subject that can be realistically dealt with on an internet reptile site, I would tell you this:

You're young. If it ain't workin' out, then it ain't. Banging your head against the wall will not change that. You still have plenty of time. Don't waste it; once you get older, you don't have that luxury.

I sense you are a little regretful of the info you have posted here. You need not be.

If I had a dime for every time I posted something, then wished I hadn't, I'd have $7.82.

Good Luck.

 

[Leighanne]

Will anybody Please delete this thread?

 

[Mooing Tricycle]

Things dont get deleted from Fauna. ever. Unless it dosnt have your full name on the BOI.

Let it die, and it most likely wont appear again. Thats the best anyone can do for ya.