Trust

[Lucille]

When we were very young, as children, we had complete trust in the world. Little by little as we matured, we learned that the world does not always warrant that trust; and that for various reasons people are dishonest.

How we deal with that knowledge can make a difference in the kind of person we ourselves are.

I have a couple of examples from my own life:

When I was young I worked for a little while at a hotel, answering phones and helping with reservations. There was a woman I worked with, and many times when a customer would leave the lobby she would say the most awful things about them and their reasons for being there, and while sometimes it might have been true, I can't imagine that everyone she attacked was as bad as all that. She trusted no one, and attributed almost everyone with the basest of motives.

On the other end of the spectrum, when I was working as a nurse I met a woman in an abusive relationship; her husband, when he had a few drinks, would hit her and the kids. Instead of properly expressing outrage, and having the creep arrested, she made excuses for him.
I called the protective services for the kids (they intervened and helped) and gave her referrals for help for herself, then later the family moved away and I still think of them, hoping she woke up to the fact that being hit was not normal.

Some people are honest with their own selves with their own feelings of hurt about a betrayal; some are not. This is a poll about our feelings; to see how, deep down inside, we really feel when our trust is broken.

 

[DAND]

The problem now-a-days is the lack of face-to-face communication. With so much going on in cyber space it makes it impossible to determine if someone is being honest or not. When communication with someone is done in person you can pick up things that is impossible to do when reading the written word. It makes it easier to be dishonest or embellish when you are not being looked in the eye.

I have zero tolerance for liars or thieves. As far as I'm concerned there is no reason for these kinds of actions. I distance myself from these types of people. Not out of fear of being lied to or stolen from, but because of the utter disgust I feel towards such inconsiderate people.

 

[Casey Hulse]

I handle

personal situations differently than business type situations. In my personal life I think I am pretty forgiving with family (kids) and friends, but in a business situation I think without trust (and I am very trusting)there is no reason to continue association at almost any level.

 

[kiote9]

It is very difficult to give a concrete answer....too many times the situation itself is the deciding factor.

In Business I expect some degree of dishonesty and expect the customer to do the research before making their decision. This comes from working in advertising and in hospitals. You might not see the corelation, and I cannot explain it, but there wasn't that much difference.

In personal relationships I expect some degree of dishonesty because some people think they are doing it for a good reason. It took many years for me to convince a very close friend that lying to protect my feelings just made me hurt more. Now she is blunt and honest. YEARS....like 15. She is a much more valuable friend to me because she is honest.

Children lie. They need to be taught not to. I wish someone could show me an easy way to do this now that my oldest boy is 13 and will lie to my face when he is caught in the act. Honesty is rewarded in my house to attempt to discourage lying. I stand by my words, "if you have to lie about it you shouldn't do it." I do allow room for little lies...especially to cover for surprises like presents and special trips, etc. I guess I'd say it was ok to fib for a good thing but wrong to lie about a bad thing.

If you did it and you're caught you should admit it. Don't lie. If you want to do it and aren't willing to take the consequences don't do it . If you do it anyway you deserve everything you get. Period. You asked for it in the first place. (I try to keep in mind that some people WANT to be caught because there is an underlying reason that they can't bring themselves to admit without making the situation unbearable for themselves. It doesn't make it right or forgivable, but maybe then they can get the help they need.)

No one deserves to be lied to. Not even the "bad" people. The flip side of that is that I expect to be lied to at some time or other by just about anyone. We are all human. People make mistakes. If I trust someone completely I trust them to lie to me at some time or other for whatever reason. If I know this will happen I can forgive them their transgression. This might not make sense, but it's the only way I can justify keeping the people I love around me as I have caught every single one of them lying at one point or another. A close relative once told me that she believes if you do tell a lie or do something "bad" you should NEVER admit to it....even if there are pictures/films/recordings. Deny, deny, deny. I forgive her, thats how she is. Do I trust her? Not with anything important!

Too many grey areas I guess.

If I get cheated in business I might forgive the person the first time. If they rip me off again it is my fault for not learning the first time.

 

[PaulSage]

TRUST for me is a very relative thing. I guess it's because I like to give people as much trust as I can as long as it doesn't conflict with the things I value most. First off, money has little value to me. I'd be much more likely to loan a friend a good sum of money (I have) than I would be to trust them taking care of my animals. I'd also be more likely to let a friend borrow a car before I'd let them watch my dog for a weekend. It's not just that I'm that concerned about any of my animals, it's just that if something were to happen, it's not only ME who would be at a loss. But then again, it would depend on the friend I suppose. My ex-girlfriend had taken my dog to a dog park without me knowing about it. Despite how much I trust her, and how good she was/is with Jersey, it made me incredibly uncomfortable. Maybe it's attributed to me being a control-freak, but my dog isn't a car or a sum of money. Cars can be fixed and replaced, money can be repaid. I don't have kids, but I would imagine that the majority of parents feel the same way about their human children.

I really agree with David's statement about the lack of face-to-face communication. When conducting business online, you have nothing to go by other than what you read and your gut instinct. I always prefer to meet people in person, and I believe that I've always had a pretty good judge of character. You can tell a lot more about a person's intentions and nature just within 15 seconds of meeting them face-to-face. I've met total strangers that I would trust with $100, and I've also met people I wouldn't loan a nail clipper to.

What I find confusing is when I meet someone who appears to not care whether or not others will trust or respect them. I try to avoid caring what people think about me, but I can't. I find myself trying to earn the respect and trust of everyone I meet, even when I have absolutely nothing else to gain.

If someone breaks my trust in them, it would be unlikely for me to be willing and able to trust them again to the same extent. Just because my neighbor backed into my car and didn't tell me about it for two weeks, doesn't mean I won't trust them to collect my mail and papers when I'm away. I think I'm usually too forgiving, and I still try to see the good in someone who has wronged me.

I've made mistakes in the past, and I'll continue making mistakes 'till the day I die. I know how hard it is to 'fess up to some of them, but once a mistake is made, I feel like I have two choices. First, I can ignore it and hope it goes away, but that will just leave guilt eating at me forever. OR, I can admit to my error and rectify the situation. Then I can move on from there, knowing that I did everything I could to make things right. Whether or not my admission and attmept to make amends is acceptable to the person I have wronged, is entirely out of my hands.

Someone's trust and respect says a lot about their character. Unfortunately, when we are faced with despair we may slip outside of our usual 'selves'. I've heard various quotes as to how that defines us as a human, but I can't help but find that somewhat grandiose. Afterall, we are merely humans with an instinct to do what it takes to survive. I'm not saying that this is an excuse for poor decisions and behavior. I guess it's just my way of trying to understand what drives good people to do bad things.

 

[shrap]

First of all, I trust no one..... until they earn it. Trust with me is certainly not given.

Now with that being said. Trust is everything to me. If there is not any trust, then you can not have a healthy relationship. Period. Personal or Professional. The first time my trust is violated it is gone for good.

The fact that someone violates my trust is bad enough, but it really pisses me off (at myself) that they were able to fly below my radar and earn my trust in the first place. Makes you feel real stupid.

Of course with kids you have to give them a pass or two. That is what being a kid is all about. Learning (It is just up to us parents to make sure the right lessons are being taught).

 

[Cheryl Marchek AKA JM]

"I expect to be lied to at some time or other by just about anyone"

That about sums it up for me. I didn't used to feel that way~ I used to open my heart and my door to everyone. I was young and stupid. I was badly burned. Not physically, or financially~ but emotionally, by several people I thought I could trust. It's been 6 years ago~ and it can still bring me to tears if I think too much about it.

It hurts me not to trust people. I want to believe what they say~ but I've found I am less disappointed/ less hurt later~ if I just accept up front that no one can be trusted 100%.

As far as the online aspect. I find it is easier to make friends online. I can be friendlier~ more open~ it feels less like they can get close enough to really burn me. In the last year or so I've even begun to try to make friends in person with some people~ but I will never allow myself to trust anyone completely ever again.

A couple things I learned through the years that I try to keep in mind:

Never do or say (or type) anything you would not be willing to shout from the rooftops if called to do so.

Most "friends" just haven't found a good place to stick the knife yet.

Burn me once~ shame on you. Burn me twice~ shame on me.

 

[Sasheena]

I've had a few trust issues in my life, though I have actually retained a certain idiotic optimism. Perhaps it's a prerequisite for life...

Some of my worst experiences...

When I was a young pre-teen my parents took in a young woman who's parents were beating her. While she lived with us we all went through the saga of her life, her best friend with cancer and then dying, the best friend's husband committing suicide, her father threatening to kill her, and all of us...which had my mother calling the police, and it all came out that her parents had never beat her, and her friend who died of cancer (and husband of said friend) were all figments of her imagination.

While I was reeling from this blow to my adolescent ability to trust, I myself was "injured" by some real bad guys out there. But rather than giving in to the injury and allowing the bad guys to go on and be bad to others, I made sure to stand up for my rights, regardless of the consequences. Those bad guys went to prison for more than 20 years for their crime. (Interesting... last year would have been the end of their prison sentences, I didn't even notice.)

I find that I trust fairly easily but that if/when my trust has been broken, I never quite am able to fully trust again.

For me it's a conscious (I can't spell that word!) decision to be trusting. I would rather trust easily and sometimes get hurt, than to go around being suspicious of everyone and everything and be a negative nasty person that nobody likes. My father's parents were very big on conspiracy theories... they would spout out for hours over this or that conspiracy by the government and how the government had done this or that thing to them to shut them up. I found that their attitudes was unpleasant, and that I would rather believe (sometimes foolishly) in things than distrust everything.

Of course it's easy to say because I don't leave my comfort zone and have to extend much in the way of trust beyond that basic area. Anyway, these are my thoughts, such as they are.