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What do do when your spouse has an affair...

cut the peices smaller?? seriouly tho, I couldnt live with someone who broke my trust like that... he was gone the next day! he left for work, I told him not to bother to come back.. I changed the locks and didnt look back.
 
I was married for 15 years, about 200 animals and one autistic son and no job... That was 11 almost 12 years ago. I am still here and breathing :)

Didnt say or mean to imply that it was easy.... because it is anything But easy. Just that that is what I did.
 
simple
 

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yes and I can totally understand. If you ever need to talk, let me know. I cant really help with your problem but sometimes being able to talk and vent can help. Just know what has to be done is hard enough but the actual being able to?? Its one of the hardest things you will have to do. Its even worse when you have kids. :( Mine was only 5 at the time of my divorce.... old enough to know what is going on but not old enough to really understand. I am sorry about the nasty thing you have to go through at this time of year especially.
 
Thank you. Its been ongoing since August when I found out, I was able to trace it back to May which was also our 9th year anniversary. I was hoping to be able to work things out with a counselor which we saw a few times but she said we couldnt afford it and gave up on it. Its just all starting to add up now.
 
it would seem so :( If she said something like that then she has no interest in working it out. Is she maybe waiting for you to tell her to leave or waiting for you to leave??
 
George

What NOT to do:

Bash yourself or think it is your fault.
Let it crash your self esteem

What to do:

If there are children, consider what they need emotionally and financially
Get a good attorney
Be good to yourself, try to connect with friends and family and accept offers of help such as invitations to dinner, outings with friends, etc.

Good luck.
 
Thank you. My biggest concern right now is for the kids. No reason for them to suffer for the sins of the mother. My second concern is an attorney and how to afford one. I would rather solve this amicably but if need be I think I have enough evidence against her but I would rather not turn this into a mud fight. I'm going to wait until after the holidays are over before saying or doing anything, no reason to do it now considering how long its already been.
 
I eould still take this time to shop around for an attorney. Doesnt mean you have to file now, but more like getting an idea of a retainer fee and if they defend men or wormen, because some attorneys are better at helping one over the other. You will also have to ask to be sure that they are used to dealing with kids in the deal. Lots of questions to ask. Do you think she will fight it? Do you think she will fight for custody? support? all kinds of things you need to know about your rights. I applaud you for not wanting to ruin your kids holidays but you still need to prepare yourself. :)

my parents just went through a very messy divorce and they didnt have any kids to worry about. They were married for 45 years. I was 43 and was still stuck in the middle. So, with your kids... make sure to protect them because no matter how hard you try, they are still in the middle and have worries of their own. counceling can help and I would sugest it. especially if they are young. :)
 
I'm not sure if she would fight it or not. During the height of her affair I had "intercepted" some messages that had said she was leaving but she didnt want to just take the kids and wanted to work something out. But that was then and this is now, considering now it would be me telling her to leave more or less she may have different feelings about it.

My parents divorced when I was 16 and I had hoped I was younger, being at that age or older it seems you really get put in the middle more and are forced to choose sides. My parents were miserable for years before they seperated.
 
Well, my suspicions have been correct. She had told me she would never talk to the guy again but looking back over cell phone records she's been texting him for almost a month again. I guess its true, a leopard cant change its spots.
 
My ex didnt cheat on me but instead decided to get an abortion even without my permission or consent...she did tell me she was preggo and i figured wed keep it but all of a sudden she came out with excuses like "i have vericose veins" "its so hard"...so i said ok...but you get this done and its over. She then had the balls to call me and ask to come sign some papers at the abortion clinic so i went there and she got all happy coz she thought i was going to sign the papers, so i pulled the nurse out after reading the paperwork and i made it clear to her and the other nurses and 2 doctors that i would take legal action if my name appeared on any of the paperwork. She had my name under father and had printed my name above where my sig would go...so i erased it and said see ya...left the biotch and never looked back...its all about taking a stand and taking the plunge
 
Well, she did it again. It started last week when she left her fb open at home when she went to work. That's when I noticed she had a message from him, ok she is supposed to have him blocked! So I'm body and click on it and she messaged him first asking him why he doesn't come in to visit her at work and she hopes he isn't mad at her. I confronted her about and she promptly blocked him again and said she only messaged him to say "hi". Well now a few days later he's unblocked again.
 
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