Women Jokes......

Let's really get this new forum off the ground. Come on, everybody. Let's hear all of your best "woman" jokes. I'll go first. Here are only the ones I can think of right off hand:

Why did God create a woman?
---Because sheep can't cook.

Why are women like beer bottles?
---They're both empty from the neck up.

Regarding relationships, why are women like buses?
---If you miss one, all you have to do is wait. Another one is bound to come along.

Why don't married men buy dishwashers?
---They thought they married one.

Why did the woman cross the road?
---Who cares? What is she doing out of the kitchen?

How does a man fix his dishwasher?
---He smacks her in the butt and tells her to get back to work.

Why are men better than women?
---That one needs no answer. We all know why.

Why do doctors spank newborn babies?

To knock the weenies off the smart ones

Come on now, Heather. That was stale. Nice try though!!!

Heather here is one for you

What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes??

nothing , you already said it twice



another one

How many women does it take to bring you a beer??

one, and it better be open when the b!tch brings it


If women were thought to be half as good as men they would have to be twice as good as they are now



whats the 1st thing a blond said when she woke up??

morning fellas

How does a blond turn on the lights after sex??
She opens the car door.

Why do blonds wear hoop ear rings??
So they have a place to put their ankles.

What do you call a brunette standing between two blonds?
An interputer (I can't spell interputer, sorry)

Its amazing men never get along with their wives

Thats because the beer was never opened,... probably can't see because of the black eyes

Its called HUMOR Sean, simple humor
You know making light of stuff

Why couldn't Hellen Keller drive?

She's a woman!

***What did God say after creating man?
I can do better.

***Husband: Want a quickie?
Wife: As opposed to what?

***What is the difference between a man and a catfish?
One is a bottom-feeding scum-sucker and the other is a fish.

***Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.

***How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One-He just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.

A stacked blonde bombshell meets a very handsome man in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together. They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment, she notices that his bedroom is completely packed with sweet cuddly teddy bears.

Hundreds of cute small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor, cuddly medium-sized ones on a shelf a little higher, and huge enormous bears on the top shelf along the wall.

The blonde is surprised that this guy would have a collection of teddy bears, especially one that's so extensive, but she decides not to mention this to him, and actually is quite impressed by his sensitive side.

She turns to him... they kiss... she decides to give this sensitive guy the best night of his life... and then she rips his clothes off and makes hot steamy love to him.

After an intense night of passion with this really nice sensitive guy, as they are lying there together in the afterglow, the woman rolls over and asks, smiling, "Well, how was it?"

The sensitive guy thought for a moment and said:

"Help yourself to any prize from the bottom shelf."

why do brides wear white?

because your dishwasher should always match your stove and refrigerator