So is this how it starts? Or how it ends?

[WebSlave]

I am living alone now. And I am not sure whether it is just to fill the silence with noise or something more "loose marbles" is taking place. But I find myself talking to myself quite often. Maybe TOO often. Not just muttering under my breath kind of talking. Real honest to goodness discussions. Like I am talking to someone I really expect to get replies from. And truth be known, yes, sometimes I do reply back. So this has me wondering if this is the beginning stages of being that old guy walking through Walmart or some other place in public, talking to himself. The guy everyone avoids eye contact with and gives a wide berth in the aisles. Does it start when you are alone and progress to a point where you don't care if you are alone or not, because the person you are talking to is the only one who listens?

So is this the way dementia starts? Is that just a more technical term for being crazy? If you are crazy, how do you know? Compared to what? A classic CATCH-22? Would a person who is really crazy be concerned about BEING crazy? Does a crazy person KNOW they are crazy? And whose yardstick is being used to measure craziness? Can I be graded on a curve, please?

Never in my most vivid nightmares did I ever imagine I would be spending my life alone. I mean COMPLETELY alone. I guess maybe it is a good thing that I have tinnitus from playing in bands for many years, so at least I hear SOMETHING all of the time. Complete and total silence would probably be unnerving. That was a joke, Other Rich! Like you are already NOT unnerved... You need to laugh....

Oh yeah, as for being "alone", I am seeing a woman who lives in Thailand, but that seems kind of unreal to me. She comes here for 6 months at a time, but then has to go back. Will she always come back? Who knows? I don't know my own mind, much less someone else's. Heck, has she REALLY been here at all? This could easily be a figment of my imagination. She is a wonderful woman. Seemingly TOO wonderful. It would be difficult for me to conjure up someone with more option boxes checked off. So that makes me doubt my own mind. I could easily fantasize about such a woman while in a coma, hoping she is real. Heck, perhaps when I had my heart attack I am still in some hospital all hooked up with wires and tubes running everywhere. I could easily believe that.

Maybe she is real. It is just way too easy to think she is not real and I am just imagining such a fleeting whisp of a relationship. Can dreams seem to be 6 months in duration while you are having them? Perhaps this is all just that rare dream I can actually remember when I wake up. Or perhaps I am not awake at all now. How would I know? Dreams can fill in ANY blanks your mind wants to. How often do you dream and KNOW you are dreaming? Never that I can recall, but I rarely remember the dreams I think I have had. So I really don't know if I knew I was dreaming while dreaming. What if I am dreaming that I am dreaming? Would I remember that? What do the insane dream about? Something more sane than the real world to them? Is it insane to want to escape the real life you are living in?

Don't know why I am writing this here. But I guess it is because I know few people will read this, and even less will really give a crap about it anyway. Perhaps I should take up alcoholic drinks. That would make things so much easier to explain away, wouldn't it? Ah, Rich is drunk again. Pay him no mind. Such an easy out...

I guess I need to have more discussions with myself to figure things out. I sure hope I know the answers to these puzzles that plague me.

Just think of all the truly weird stuff I typed here but later deleted. Wouldn't want you to REALLY think I was crazy, now would I?

A belated April Fool's Day to you.....

 

[JColt]

“Solitude is dangerous. It’s very addictive. It becomes a habit after you realise how peaceful and calm it is. It’s like you don’t want to deal with people anymore because they drain your energy.”
– Jim Carrey”

 

[DLenaRuth999s]

I am living alone now. And I am not sure whether it is just to fill the silence with noise or something more "loose marbles" is taking place. But I find myself talking to myself quite often. Maybe TOO often. Not just muttering under my breath kind of talking. Real honest to goodness discussions. Like I am talking to someone I really expect to get replies from. And truth be known, yes, sometimes I do reply back. So this has me wondering if this is the beginning stages of being that old guy walking through Walmart or some other place in public, talking to himself. The guy everyone avoids eye contact with and gives a wide berth in the aisles. Does it start when you are alone and progress to a point where you don't care if you are alone or not, because the person you are talking to is the only one who listens?

So is this the way dementia starts? Is that just a more technical term for being crazy? If you are crazy, how do you know? Compared to what? A classic CATCH-22? Would a person who is really crazy be concerned about BEING crazy? Does a crazy person KNOW they are crazy? And whose yardstick is being used to measure craziness? Can I be graded on a curve, please?

Never in my most vivid nightmares did I ever imagine I would be spending my life alone. I mean COMPLETELY alone. I guess maybe it is a good thing that I have tinnitus from playing in bands for many years, so at least I hear SOMETHING all of the time. Complete and total silence would probably be unnerving. That was a joke, Other Rich! Like you are already NOT unnerved... You need to laugh....

Oh yeah, as for being "alone", I am seeing a woman who lives in Thailand, but that seems kind of unreal to me. She comes here for 6 months at a time, but then has to go back. Will she always come back? Who knows? I don't know my own mind, much less someone else's. Heck, has she REALLY been here at all? This could easily be a figment of my imagination. She is a wonderful woman. Seemingly TOO wonderful. It would be difficult for me to conjure up someone with more option boxes checked off. So that makes me doubt my own mind. I could easily fantasize about such a woman while in a coma, hoping she is real. Heck, perhaps when I had my heart attack I am still in some hospital all hooked up with wires and tubes running everywhere. I could easily believe that.

Maybe she is real. It is just way too easy to think she is not real and I am just imagining such a fleeting whisp of a relationship. Can dreams seem to be 6 months in duration while you are having them? Perhaps this is all just that rare dream I can actually remember when I wake up. Or perhaps I am not awake at all now. How would I know? Dreams can fill in ANY blanks your mind wants to. How often do you dream and KNOW you are dreaming? Never that I can recall, but I rarely remember the dreams I think I have had. So I really don't know if I knew I was dreaming while dreaming. What if I am dreaming that I am dreaming? Would I remember that? What do the insane dream about? Something more sane than the real world to them? Is it insane to want to escape the real life you are living in?

Don't know why I am writing this here. But I guess it is because I know few people will read this, and even less will really give a crap about it anyway. Perhaps I should take up alcoholic drinks. That would make things so much easier to explain away, wouldn't it? Ah, Rich is drunk again. Pay him no mind. Such an easy out...

I guess I need to have more discussions with myself to figure things out. I sure hope I know the answers to these puzzles that plague me.

Just think of all the truly weird stuff I typed here but later deleted. Wouldn't want you to REALLY think I was crazy, now would I?

A belated April Fool's Day to you.....

I’m two years into my retirement from teaching high school English: lots of human interaction to very little. I talk A LOT to my collie, my cat, my snakes, and even my car. I talk to myself in the grocery store, especially when they keep rearranging their aisles.
It’s not crazy, it’s grounding. That’s what I keep telling myself.

 

[spawn]

Are you selling the site? Or just shutting it down?

 

[WebSlave]

“Solitude is dangerous. It’s very addictive. It becomes a habit after you realise how peaceful and calm it is. It’s like you don’t want to deal with people anymore because they drain your energy.”
– Jim Carrey”

I don't think solitude will ever be addictive to me. Up till Connie dying, I had never really been alone at any time in my life. And suddenly it was thrust upon me. I seriously think that had I lived in an apartment or condo or something where I had nothing to do outside, I would have lost all my marbles pretty quickly. Even on days here where rain, mosquitoes, or something keeps me inside for a couple of days, I start getting in a very bad way. I don't find it peaceful and calm at all. It is like some of the pleasant parts of being alive are missing.

 

[WebSlave]

I’m two years into my retirement from teaching high school English: lots of human interaction to very little. I talk A LOT to my collie, my cat, my snakes, and even my car. I talk to myself in the grocery store, especially when they keep rearranging their aisles.
It’s not crazy, it’s grounding. That’s what I keep telling myself.

Except for muttering under my breath at the grocery store or something, I don't talk to myself then. But I do spontaneously talk to people when the opportunity arises. Usually to get a laugh at something humorous. So I still seem to have a sense of humor. I always have liked to make people laugh. I used to love making Connie laugh so long and hard that she would almost pass out. Kind of hard to do that with Pim because of the language gap. Plays on words lose a lot in translations.

 

[WebSlave]

Are you selling the site? Or just shutting it down?

Shutting it down.

 

[BajaBoas]

Shutting it down.

Why is the site being shut down? I really enjoyed this site over the years.

 

[WebSlave]

Why is the site being shut down? I really enjoyed this site over the years.

Easy question with an easy answer: Lack of financial support and overall evaporating traffic. Site is just barely operating in the black, and over the last couple of years I don't see any signs of it improving. Sorry, but I am not digging into my retirement funds to provide people a place to advertise their animals for free. Been warning you all for years that this was coming. So on August 1, 2027, at the latest, it will be gone unless something completely unexpected happens and people decide this site is worth saving. In the early years I was footing the bills from my SerpenCo business to run this site and a few others. I retired that business back in 2010. Traffic and financial support was sufficient then for me to keep running this site regardless of my leaving the business myself. Right now, income from the Google Adsense ads are not even covering the monthly server lease I have to pay. Paid memberships and sponsorships dropped way off too.

Yes, I have had people offer to provide hosting for the site and make suggestions as to how I could cut expenses. Stop using canned forum based platforms and go with custom coding specific to buying and selling. Thanks, but no thanks. Not worth the headaches and expenses just going through such a move and change would entail any longer. EVERY server move I did was a nightmare and very stressful. Just going through that last platform change, from vBulletin to Xenforo was not something I intend to go through again, EVER.

Anyway, OK, I can take a hint. I believe there are at least two other similar sites people have found more favorable to them to sell their animals and related merchandise. That is fine with me. More power and success to them and you all. I am not competitive by nature. I do mean that. If I was, I would have NEVER done a site like this that would compete against my own SerpenCo business when it was active. I actually enjoyed doing this, for a while when I saw people making use of it. That was actually rather rewarding feeling. So I guess my ego has gotten bruised when that no longer appears to be the case. No one likes to feel that they have failed at something. Things have changed in my life, and this is just part of it.

I can do without the inevitable headaches running an internet site provides to the owner. I don't even want to know what sort of hourly wage I have been making from this site the last couple of years. I am certain it would make me feel foolish to not have cut it loose earlier. At the very least, if nothing else, let this be a lesson to everyone. If you want a site you like to survive, you really need to support it. Otherwise those sites will not be available forever neither. Yeah, new ones can pop up that may or may not be at least temporarily successful, but eventually they too will wither away and die without your support. Yes, they will start out for free, but eventually the headaches and the bills necessary to pay will force their hand to NEED financial support from the users. THAT is inevitable and really needs to be expected.

I had really hoped this site would thrive and put some pocket change in my pockets to make it worthwhile administering and maintaining. But it no longer is, and that is that.