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Fear

How do you approach relationships?

  • I have found my one and only, so this does not apply to me

    Votes: 7 25.9%

  • I have never had an important relationship but look forward to one some day

    Votes: 0 0.0%

  • I want to know the person for a loooooong time before taking any relationship risks

    Votes: 3 11.1%

  • I just jump right on in! I got GAME !!!!

    Votes: 1 3.7%

  • I have a new relationship every three weeks or so, it doesn't bother me if it doesn't work out

    Votes: 0 0.0%

  • Too scary. I'm not gonna do it.

    Votes: 0 0.0%

  • I've been hurt before, but realize that in order to love, you have to risk rejection

    Votes: 6 22.2%

  • I have to control everything. So it's never a risk.

    Votes: 1 3.7%

  • I like people. That, and honesty, is what I use for my approach

    Votes: 6 22.2%

  • I AM TOTALLY CLUELESS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Votes: 5 18.5%
  • Total voters
    27
Lucille

Lucille

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Fear of relationships can have many causes.

If you are very young, and have never had a 'real' relationship, you aren't sure what you are getting into.

If you've been around and seen the world, you ARE sure of what you are getting into, and perhaps are afraid of being hurt again, if it has happened to you in the past.


How do you approach relationships?
 
Interesting topic. It'll be interesting to see just what feedback there is to go with whatever voting takes place.
 
Wow. Who'd have thunk that I was a controlling perfectionist?

Not exactly overbearing controlling perfectionist... I'm not about to tell some poor woman that she's no longer allowed to wear sexy clothing or cut her off from her friends... generally the opposite. I keep my life compartmentalized. Things happen in the way I want them to when I want them to and never outside of this. Scheduling conflicts are both commonplace and sometimes absurd ("No, I'm not taking you out to dinner tonight, DieHard is on TV. Yes I'm serious. Tough crap, ask me tomorrow.") although much of this is born out of a kind of equality in apathy/narcissism policy where the emotions and needs of other people including those who're supposed to be close to me are about as important as watching the edited commercial interrupted version of a movie I own on both DVD and VHS. This is... of course... entirely their fault for not being interesting enough to be a priority.

So commitment... Things like mutual agreements of fidelity or letting someone move into my house or agreeing to punch anything that gives them a hard time should they request it are easy. Allowing them to rearrange my kitchen, my sleeping schedule, my wardrobe or what I find to be a valuable use of my time... That's just not happening until some (hopefully good looking) woman can manage to make themselves hold more importance than I assign to myself.

So... it's not really that I have to control EVERYTHING, just that I maintain total and constant unyeilding control over myself which will, eventually, strain the affections of anyone who feels that some generally accepted social arrangements give them some kind of say in what I do or when I do it.
 
I wonder why more people arent taking the poll??

been up for three days and only a dozen or so pollsters, guess people dont want to answer or something.
 
Well, even though I am in a relationship, I don't believe it is a "one and only" sort of thing....never bought into the whole "soulmate" thingy...I get along with just about everyone.

Except for adam and pete. Maybe they are soulmates?

greg
 
nicolai said:
been up for three days and only a dozen or so pollsters, guess people dont want to answer or something.
Click to expand...

Actually only 9 have voted so far. I am not one of them. I don't participate in a lot of polls though I do read them.

This one, I think, is much more personal than most of the posts you find here. It actually asks a hard to answer question that one must make a commitment on to answer.

As for myself, sometimes I just figure it's nobodies business, especially if there is not an answer I feel good about using.

Most of the threads here are good natured and meant to entertain as much with the answers as the questions. I think this one, spurred by only lucille knows what, went much closer to home than most other threads or polls here.
 
Wes is very perceptive (as usual). If any of the others of y'all noticed this was a different sort of poll, give yourselves an 'A' for intelligence and perception. Most of the posts and polls on this forum are for y'all; meant to entertain you, to get you talking both on the board and to each other, and ultimately, to help Fauna.
This one, I wrote for me.....
 
Ditto, pondering what was essentially wrong with old relationships with men isn't exactly the most pleasant way to pass the time. I have a strong suspicion that I'm attracted to the wrong type of guy, that all my former flames would be best friends if they ever met, and I should just resign myself to dating the entire male population at Clutch concerts in SE michigan, but that's neither here nor there.
 
"I should just resign myself to dating the entire male population at Clutch concerts in SE michigan, but that's neither here nor there."

LOL !!! That is quite funny ! Yeah, we can all look back on past loves,lusts, etc and see a pattern...I lucked out and found a girl who didn't fit the past at all, and is willing to look past all of my eccentricities...(not a cabinet of curiousities or something, just odd passions for octopus, reptiles, and sleeping on the ground.)

Happiness is just drawing a breath, when you think about it...so many aren't so lucky!!!
greg
 
cthulhu77 said:
I lucked out and found a girl who didn't fit the past at all, and is willing to look past all of my eccentricities...
Click to expand...

Awwwww that's so sweet. I have tried in the past to date guys who are very different than either of my types, but that's always failed, its always been one sided. There is a je ne sais quoi that attracts me, but in the past its always been attached to some other undesireable personality traits that are ultimately incompatible with mine, so... basically the problem rests not with the guys I'm very attracted to, but is inherent in me. *shrug* gotta work on that one.
 
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Well, at age 20, it's not like your clock is ticking off the wall, either !!! LOL !!!
Heck, I don't think I even had a steady girlfriend until I was 26 or so...ahhh...the college years...sigh...heh.

Relationships are a funny thing...I tried working at a few for a while...until the work part outgrew the relationship part. Then, out of the blue, as I was doing body painting for a local gallery*, I meet this girl who moved out from San Diego a few months before, and WHAMMO ! Three years later, I have a ring on my finger. Go fig !

greg

*try explaining to your inlaws that they have seen the bride naked before on my website...led zeppelin ! (and no, those pics are no longer up, sorry)
 
no its not tick tocking, I've disabled my biological clock ;). but I never liked the college dating scene and have always dated guys either a little or somewhat significantly older than me.

And that really is a sweet story, just goes to show when you're not looking for anything, someone comes along and gets your attention.
 
"someone comes along and gets your attention."

Well, in her defense, it is hard to ignore a naked 26 year old from San Diego...even for me !!! LOL.

Hear ya about the college crowd...I was a right bastard back then !!! (some might think I still am...where's peruvianfanatic?)
 
sirenofthestorm said:
And that really is a sweet story, just goes to show when you're not looking for anything, someone comes along and gets your attention.
Click to expand...


No kidding! I was actually 'interested' in a friend, not dating, but close to him, and now I'm married to his roommate (whom I at first despised!!)
 
I saw that on the "news". separated is just a longer word for divorced in this situation. There is a god. And he has send down Brad Pitt for all of woman kind to drool over.
 
Hmmmm, there needs to be more answers on this one. i put it up for selfish reasons, I want someone else to figure out the **REAL ANSWER** and post it here for my education; as I have said before, men are a mystery to me.

I've tried to understand for a long time and am more clueless now than when I started. SOMEONE, POST THE ANSWER!!!!!
 
lucille said:
Hmmmm, there needs to be more answers on this one. i put it up for selfish reasons, I want someone else to figure out the **REAL ANSWER** and post it here for my education; as I have said before, men are a mystery to me.

I've tried to understand for a long time and am more clueless now than when I started. SOMEONE, POST THE ANSWER!!!!!
Click to expand...

What, exactly, makes you SO sure there is a "real answer" ? And, if there is one, what makes you SO sure you don't already know it? I've found that often those looking hardest for an answer to a question already know the answer but don't like it so they deny/ignore what they know. If you look hard enough I bet you'll know the answer. But I suspect that there is not one answer that will cover it all.
 
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