Have You Been Cheated On?

[ZX11]

Have you ever been cheated on? Ever find out why?

Have you ever cheated? Why?

 

[daisylou]

Have I ever been cheated on? Yes.
Why? Who knows. She was younger, prettier...not all that smart, but who really cares I guess. Does anyone really know why? I doubt it.
Have I ever cheated? Depends on how you define cheating...

 

[ZX11]

Why anyone wants to cheat remains a mystery to me. My ex did it and her only explaination was I worked too much. 60 hrs a week isn't that much. Besides, I married into a ready made family; kids included. Had to take care of them, right?
I made the discovery one day after school { college }. Came in and caught them in the act. It was hard, but her actions spoke for her charactor and I left.

I have not cheated. Never the desire. I see marriage as a promise and those are kept. But, when one steps out of that marriage, there is no turning back. Irrepairable damage is done. Even if it is worked out and beyond, trust has been violated for all eternity. Trust isn't a restoration project, it is given and maintained.

 

[ladyserpent7]

i agree with you 100%...besides...the bible says that the ONLY reason that is okay to get divorce is because of the act of adultery committed by the partner...and if its in the bible.....then its important and should be taken VERY seriously
Hebrews 13:4..and i quote "Let marriage be honorable among all, and the marriage bed be without defilement, for God will judge fornicators and adulterers."

 

[ZX11]

Excellent quote, Rana !!!

To cheat is an insult to the marriage...and one's self.

To use the marriage bed to cheat is the ultimate insult. There is no turning back from that.

 

[Griz]

i agree with you 100%...besides...the bible says that the ONLY reason that is okay to get divorce is because of the act of adultery committed by the partner...and if its in the bible.....then its important and should be taken VERY seriously
Hebrews 13:4..and i quote "Let marriage be honorable among all, and the marriage bed be without defilement, for God will judge fornicators and adulterers."

Actually, I would have to disagree with that analysis. After many years of studying at Lincoln Christian College and Seminary, studying both Greek and Hebrew, I do not view adultery, as used in the Bible, in the conventional sense of the word. Too often, people assume that adultery means having sex outside of the marriage. I, personally speaking, believe that adultery is more commonly used as cheating on one's vow's.

For instance, a husband beats his wife. That is a direct violation against the vow to honor, to cherish, to...... I do not believe that the Creator of this Universe intended for a woman to lay with her husband each night all the while knowing that tomorrow might be her last breath.

With that being said, I also do not believe that it is biblical to simply walk away from a marriage because one violated their vows. I believe it is our duty to work things out with our spouses if at all possible. If the offending spouse chooses to not seek counseling, or chooses to not realign themselves with their vows, then I say divorce is not only a viable but a biblical option.

Griz

 

[Laura Fopiano]

Very cool Griz

Actually, I would have to disagree with that analysis. After many years of studying at Lincoln Christian College and Seminary, studying both Greek and Hebrew, I do not view adultery, as used in the Bible, in the conventional sense of the word. Too often, people assume that adultery means having sex outside of the marriage. I, personally speaking, believe that adultery is more commonly used as cheating on one's vow's.

For instance, a husband beats his wife. That is a direct violation against the vow to honor, to cherish, to...... I do not believe that the Creator of this Universe intended for a woman to lay with her husband each night all the while knowing that tomorrow might be her last breath.

With that being said, I also do not believe that it is biblical to simply walk away from a marriage because one violated their vows. I believe it is our duty to work things out with our spouses if at all possible. If the offending spouse chooses to not seek counseling, or chooses to not realign themselves with their vows, then I say divorce is not only a viable but a biblical option.

Griz

I try to hold onto the fact "that everything happens for a reason" I still shake my head, and wonder why he left........but hey, i have some pretty good friends that have held me together......most of them are here!!

 

[FEENIEE]

I'm with Laura. Everything happens for a reason.
I've watched all my girlfriends get married. Helped them plan weddings, baby showers, then drove them all to divorice court and helped pack bags and furniture. I think people need to listen to their gut, not always the heart, or the head. I've had friends tell me while we are planning a wedding, that something wasn't right, or he isn't this, BUT it would all get better after the wedding. It does, for a about a year or so, then a long slow and painful slope follows. You always think you know someone, then something changes or reality sets in and things aren't so peachy like you thought they were.
So you ask have I ever been cheated on. My head says no, he would never do that. My heart says no, how could anyone do that. But in my gut, lays the truth which someday I have to accept.
Have I ever cheated? No
Would I do so for "revenge"? Nope, not my style.
Have I had the chance to do so and NEVER get caught? Yes.
Would I hate him for doing it? No
Would I ever "cheat"? if the day comes when it might happen, all parties involved will know my situation, I won't lie about it, I won't sneak around, and I'll be ready and able to face the concequenses or make the decisions I need to make.

Laura, stop shaking your head girlfriend, go out and shake you booty! If you knock enough apples out of the tree, you're bound to get a good one!!

 

[Lucille]

For instance, a husband beats his wife. That is a direct violation against the vow to honor, to cherish, to...... I do not believe that the Creator of this Universe intended for a woman to lay with her husband each night all the while knowing that tomorrow might be her last breath. ...........

With that being said, I also do not believe that it is biblical to simply walk away from a marriage because one violated their vows. .

Griz

Bob, got to disagree with you on this one. Vows to be faithful are one thing (maybe) but your above vow of violence violating the vow to honor and cherish: it is my personal opinion that two people do not belong together if one beats the stuffing out of the other.

The classic sham is the repentant husband who promises never to do it again and then next week, the woman finds herself beaten and it escalates.
Nope, not gonna stay and work that one out.

 

[ZX11]

Bob, got to disagree with you on this one. Vows to be faithful are one thing (maybe) but your above vow of violence violating the vow to honor and cherish: it is my personal opinion that two people do not belong together if one beats the stuffing out of the other.

The classic sham is the repentant husband who promises never to do it again and then next week, the woman finds herself beaten and it escalates.
Nope, not gonna stay and work that one out.

I agree here. But, in some cases { not mine} the wife is the aggressor. One of my brothers got the crap beat out him repeatedly by his wife. Once with a coathanger while he was in the shower. A week later, she nearly castrated him with a knife. She he stay and work it out? NO !!

My case was an cheating wife. Not once. We "worked" that out. She worked out a way to do it several more times. I worked my way out the door.

No one should stay in the event of abuse, neglect, or cheating. While they all break the vows made on that day { of wishful dreaming}, they are each a reason to split.
The question remains: what do we need to do to keep it together the way they did it even 50 years ago?

 

[techgirl]

what do we need? what happened to honest conversation? never being afraid to say something when there is a problem in the relationship? i never cheated on any of the men i dated. in fact when i was trying to work out problems in a 7 year relationship(that was going nowhere) and did realize that i was starting to look at other men, i ended the relationship because he did not deserve that of me. i was honest with him and my feelings and we are friends to this day because of it. no one deserves to be cheated on. honesty does work, even if it sucks to do.

 

[ladyserpent7]

true jessica..honesty is the best policy....i agree about not staying in a relationship that has abuse..my friend was abused by her husband...this happened 5 years ago....he tried to murder her...he stabbed her face and eyes MULTIPLE times with a key..and kept choking her until she fainted...long story short..he went to jail for 5 years..and ONLY that long because she didnt press charges..else he wouldve gone longer...and hes out now...since last spring...sigh....baad situation...the honest truth is..the longer this world lasts..the worse and more wicked it becomes...and thats prophecied in the bible too...i believe that the bible is the ultimate source to solve our problems..so many ppl go to psychologists,,or a friend or whatever to solve their problems..but when you think about it..were all imperfect humans and dont you think that it would be the most wise decision to turn to a higher source for knowledge and discernment..thats exactly why god gave us his word the bible..for us to benefit from it..and dont you think that it makes sense to turn to the one that created you and knows your heart to help you..i do...and actually i do believe that the scrip. i quoted is talking specifically about fornication as the only grounds for divorce..but if there is MAJOR probs. in the relationship like abuse, etc...than there is the choice of seperation..in Matthew 19:9 it says..."I say to you that whoever divorces his wife, except on the grounds of fornication, and marries another commits adultery." so the scrip. is just making it clear that the only reason to get a divorce..and REMARRY is on that ground or basis.

 

[Lucille]

..in Matthew 19:9 it says..."I say to you that whoever divorces his wife, except on the grounds of fornication, and marries another commits adultery." so the scrip. is just making it clear that the only reason to get a divorce..and REMARRY is on that ground or basis.

I would have to come out against that. Marriage is a legal relationship: the person one is legally married to can make debts both have to pay and one side can incur obligations that the other has to honor unless a court says otherwise.
So an abused person who has been physically harmed in a marriage relationship can then endure poverty for a lifetime in certain situations if she stays in the legally binding marriage relationship.

It is myopinion that just because a person makes a bad choice and marries an abuser, (and she may not have known it at the time) is not a reason to bar her forever from the joys of another future relationship where marriage may result.

 

[Griz]

i quoted is talking specifically about fornication as the only grounds for divorce..but if there is MAJOR probs. in the relationship like abuse, etc...than there is the choice of seperation..in Matthew 19:9 it says..."I say to you that whoever divorces his wife, except on the grounds of fornication, and marries another commits adultery." so the scrip. is just making it clear that the only reason to get a divorce..and REMARRY is on that ground or basis.

You have to remember that the written text, the way in which 99% of the people study the Bible, has been translated so many times that we have lost some of the original intent. I still believe the Bible is the living and breathing word of God but I would highly encourage ANYONE to study the scripture more in depth. Meaning, don't read just the English version of it. A lot of people focus strictly on the New Testament which is fine but please take a look at the Greek versions of these words and you will find a breath of fresh air to a lot of the scripture.

God never intended on a spouse sticking with the marriage when she is being beaten within an inch of her life. I can quote scripture all day, in English, Greek or Hebrew, to counter any points relating to fornication being the only justification for divorce. It is so counter intuitive to God's plan for each of us.

Rana, I believe your intent is pure and honest and that you truly believe in what you write. God has given so many reasons to wake up each day and worship Him. He only wants the best for any of us and I truly do believe it is the work of His adversary that wants scripture to be distorted. Rest assured, my family's door is always open to anyone who finds themselves in that situation.

Lucille, I did not mean to imply that if a woman, for instance, was being beaten daily, that she should stick around to work it out first. There is a difference (albeit very little) between a spouse who raised their hand in anger one time vs someone who has repeatedly beaten their spouse. I have ZERO tolerance for a wife beater and like my grandpa always said, "there's a reason why I keep that deep well on the back forty."

Griz

 

[Griz]

I would have to come out against that. Marriage is a legal relationship: the person one is legally married to can make debts both have to pay and one side can incur obligations that the other has to honor unless a court says otherwise.
So an abused person who has been physically harmed in a marriage relationship can then endure poverty for a lifetime in certain situations if she stays in the legally binding marriage relationship.

It is myopinion that just because a person makes a bad choice and marries an abuser, (and she may not have known it at the time) is not a reason to bar her forever from the joys of another future relationship where marriage may result.

Lucille, I would have to agree wholeheartedly. My wife is the literally the air that I breathe. I cannot tell you the countless hours that I have laid awake at night looking at her just wondering what in the world I ever did to deserve such a woman. I truly do wish that every person could enjoy the bounty that I have found in my marriage.

Griz

 

[Lucille]

.

Lucille, I did not mean to imply that if a woman, for instance, was being beaten daily, that she should stick around to work it out first. There is a difference (albeit very little) between a spouse who raised their hand in anger one time vs someone who has repeatedly beaten their spouse. I have ZERO tolerance for a wife beater and like my grandpa always said, "there's a reason why I keep that deep well on the back forty."

Griz

I like the sound of your grandfather, and he has a thoughtful grandson.
I also have zero tolerance for those sorts of people and have come across them in my life.

Whenever I see the subject of physical abuse I like to encourage women to take some self responsibility and get out of the relationship.

I think it is worth making the effort to point that out just on the off chance that sometime, somewhere, we might help someone gain that extra ounce of self respect, and help her find the door. Too many stay and suffer, I do not understand that.

 

[ladyserpent7]

Meaning, don't read just the English version of it. A lot of people focus strictly on the New Testament which is fine but please take a look at the Greek versions of these words and you will find a breath of fresh air to a lot of the scripture.

Rana, I believe your intent is pure and honest and that you truly believe in what you write. God has given so many reasons to wake up each day and worship Him. He only wants the best for any of us and I truly do believe it is the work of His adversary that wants scripture to be distorted. Rest assured, my family's door is always open to anyone who finds themselves in that situation.
Griz

actually, i have checked the hebrew version because i have a lot of friends that are hebrew..and theyve translated it for me..thanks for that advice though....and i do agree with you that the devil definitely wants the scriptures to be distorted...but i also believe that you walk by faith, and ive known many, MANY that have been in that situation...wow, their stories would make you cry..but its too long to tell..and i do believe that there is a way to get out of those kind of relationships, but following strictly bible commands is important, and if that is not remarrying on any grounds but fornication...than thats what it is..god knows us and he know what each person individually is going through..and he will help those who draw close to him...and i know that he sees all the pain and suffering going on in this world..but he does promise that there is going to be a day where there will be no more pain or suffering, etc. and that day is coming very soon...but thats just my beliefs...and i thank you for respecting it.

Too many stay and suffer, I do not understand that.

yes i agree with you lucille..i dont quite understand it either...

 

[Griz]

but following strictly bible commands is important, and if that is not remarrying on any grounds but fornication...than thats what it is..god knows us and he know what each person individually is going through..and he will help those who draw close to him...and i know that he sees all the pain and suffering going on in this world..but he does promise that there is going to be a day where there will be no more pain or suffering, etc. and that day is coming very soon...but thats just my beliefs...and i thank you for respecting it.

Rana, you really do have a sweet spirit. I do commend you on your faith and I know that when the time comes, that whomever you decide to marry will be one lucky man for having a wife who believes in scripture the way you do.

Lastly, here are a few more points to ponder (this was taken from a website that I frequent and it explains my points much more concisely then my own words):

"First of all, the divine standard for marriage is lifelong commitment to one's spouse, and nothing else. Even though divorce was permitted in some cases under the Old Testament economy, Christ made it plain that this was not God's ideal. When He was asked this very question, "He answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that He which made them at the beginning made them male and female, And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder." (Matthew 19:4-6).

This seems very comprehensive and conclusive, yet He immediately followed up this statement with the following apparent exception: "Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery" (Matthew 19:9; see also Matthew 5:31, 32).

It does seem from this statement that the discovery of extramarital unchastity on the part of one' spouse is here given as a possible grounds for divorce. God does place a high value on faithfulness, on the part of both bride and bridegroom, as a basis for a happy and lasting marriage. Fornication is condemned as a sin in both Old and New Testaments.

In this day of widespread sexual license, however, this provision might well become a rather common ground for divorce, even among Christians. It does, indeed, dilute the principle of "one flesh" used by God to describe a true marriage. "What? Know ye not that he which is joined to an harlot is one body? For two, saith He, shall be one flesh . . . Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body: but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body" (I Corinthians 6:16, 18). This passage, incidentally, suggests that a woman who submits to extramarital sex becomes, in God's sight, a harlot, whether she yields her body for money or some other reason that she sees as profitable to herself.

On the other hand, it is noteworthy that Jesus, evidently on a different occasion, did not give fornication as an excuse for divorce. "Whosoever putteth away his wife, and marrieth another, committeth adultery: and whosoever marrieth her that is put away from her husband committeth adultery" (Luke 16:18). If there is any doubt, this also applies to wives. "And if a woman shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she committeth adultery" (Mark 10:12).

Since the lord would not contradict Himself, we should conclude that, while there may be some situations in which extramarital sex would create such problems in a marriage that divorce would be better than continuing in an unhealthy or even dangerous relationship, in general it would be better to forgive earlier indiscretions (if accompanied by repentance and present faithfulness) rather than to break up what might otherwise still be a good marriage.

In both cases, however, Christ warned that remarriage after divorce amounts to adultery, a sin which is explicitly forbidden by God's seventh Commandment. Both divorce and remarriage, therefore, are extremely serious steps, and both violate the divine principle of permanent union and faithfulness in marriage.

But this is not the whole story. "The Lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and plenteous in mercy . . . For He knoweth our frame; He remembereth that we are dust" (Psalm 103:8, 14). "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins" (I John 1:9). This promise is specifically for Christians, and includes even the sin of adultery, if there is genuine repentance. The Lord made this very clear in His dealing with the woman who "was taken in adultery, in the very act" (John 8:4). He reminded her accusers that they also were sinners and had no warrant to punish her. Then He told the woman: "Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more" (John 8:11).

He in no way condoned her sin, but He did forgive her sin, when she gave evidence of godly sorrow and determination not to sin again in this way. Under such conditions, His followers would do well to follow His example. At least in this particular context, He put no further conditions on her freedom, either to return to her husband if he would have her, or to marry another if she were already divorced.

There is one other important Biblical factor to consider in divorce-and-remarriage situations. A Christian should never marry a non-Christian, as this almost inevitably leads to serious friction in the home later on unless the unsaved partner can, by God's grace, be won to Christ. "Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers" (II Corinthians 6:14).

Nevertheless, many Christians insist on doing this very thing. And then what? Also, a person may become a believer after marriage, with the partner still unsaved. In either case, there is an unequal yoke, and the Christian husband or wife may come to desire release from this yoke. The Apostle Paul commands in this case: "...If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him." (I Corinthians 7:12, 13). The next verse indicates this is especially important for the sake of the children, who are often the ones hurt most by a divorce.

But suppose the unsaved spouse is the one who insists on a divorce. "If the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace" (I Corinthians 7:15).

This obviously means that the Christian husband or wife is then at liberty to remarry. In fact, if there are children involved, and if a caring Christian spouse can be found, it would be good to remarry, for children need the love and guidance of both a father and mother, provided, of course, that the stepmother or stepfather is "in the Lord" (I Corinthians 7:39) and desires to assume such a responsibility.

By extension, these principles could be applied to other situations that the Scriptures do not cover explicitly. As noted above, God is able and willing to forgive all sins, including even the sin of getting a divorce for trivial reasons. He has called us to peace, not legal bondage, and He can make a good marriage and a happy home no matter what the previous history of the people involved may have been, provided that true repentance, proper restitution, and genuine saving faith and sincere desire to serve the Lord now exist in their lives."

Regardless Rana, your dedication to remaining pure both now as well as when you are married is going to pay HUGE dividends to your faith and to your family. And I commend you on that.

Griz

 

[ladyserpent7]

thank you griz...i thank you soo much on sharing your opinions with me...and i do agree with you on one thing..marry only in the lord...as for marriage personally..PUH...its a lllooonggg ways away......im still getting over a bad experience...men haha...EXCEPT YOU OF COURSE.haha

 

[ladyserpent7]

your wife is very lucky