Michael, I think at this point, you need to stop trying to EXPLAIN and just focus on DOING. You can EXPLAIN until the cows come home about how you know you were wrong and how your reasons and intentions were somehow not so bad....but words like that mean very little when it comes to rebuilding a good reputation. Words are like sticks of dynamite in a situation like this...the wrong words will continue to blow up in your face. And even the very rightest words...said with true contrition and making it clear that you've learned a valuable lesson....all they can do is blow away the debris of your mistakes. Your ACTIONS will begin to rebuild the foundation of your reputation, and only your actions.
You are simply not going to walk away from this thread with a good rep in anyone's eyes, no matter how much you talk. You need to realize that it's going to take a tremendous amount of work and time to build a solid business. There are no shortcuts...and if you find some and take them, you'll find yourself right back here again...or worse. MOST people spend YEARS building up their collections and their reputations. Every single person that I've personally known or watched that took shortcuts or built up their collection/business too fast (even if they had their own money to start with) ended up failing...and sometimes failing very hard.
Stop trying to explain....and stop trying to take shortcuts in a business where animals' lives are on the line. Work with what you have....build from there as you are able...and most of all, make the bedrock of your reputation impeccable integrity. THEN you might have a chance at succeeding in this very challenging business.